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This year marks a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words gen Z is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately kill any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {